The absolute perfect, authentic, best, most recommended, most approved product? Help me, what do I buy?

The absolute perfect, authentic, best, most recommended, most approved product? Help me, what do I buy? 

OK, I must admit that I am finally sick of the ad agencies and their creative departments. Every single product is the best out there! BUT, so are the rest.

Let’s draw an imaginary scenario. I want to buy a new toothbrush, so I hop on down to the local Shoppers Drug Mart, as I am in Canada. I identify the lane for the toothbrushes and wander down to make my pick. One particularly colorful toothbrush catches my eye and I unhook it to read about what I am going to purchase.

It is a ‘no brainer’, I gotta buy that brush. Right on the packaging it says why! Among the accolades and recommendations I find the following:

‘The brush most recommended by dentists.’  But it says that on others too! So what did they do, gather a few dentists, tell them to recommend the brush and then go ahead and print?

‘The most sold brush in America’…….so are some of the other brands, so is it sold in a specific region or what is the backup info? That, my friends, remains a secret!

‘Proven to protect from cavities’…..Who proved it? Why are all of them proven scientifically to do the same?

‘New packaging!!’……so bloody what? I need a toothbrush, not a package!

‘New, improved formula’….sounds good, what did you guys improve? Nope, no answer on that.

‘New, improved handle for better brushing’…….am I to really believe that? All of them look pretty good on the handling side to me…..

‘Special design with ‘cross brushes for greater effect’….I cross brush in any case, so why do I need the new, cross brush design? It sure looks like a great design, bristles all over the place but I am not falling for that! It all depends on how dedicated and efficient you are in daily brushing, not on the ‘cross brushes’!

So what does it all boil down to? The simple answer is that there is so much exaggeration in all advertising these days it makes me sick.

How about a bread bakery? If it’s not ‘Artisanal’ bread it’s no good?

If the frozen pizza is not ‘authentic stone baked pizza they cannot take more of your money?

Oh, and can a frozen Pizza be authentic Neapolitan pizza? I thought those were made in Napoli!

If the name of the restaurant is ‘Deep Blue Ocean’, can they take more money for a dish?

If the fish and chips are made with ‘line caught haddock’ is that worth more from your pocket than just simple Haddock fish and chips?

Another one……. ‘More value for your money’……..says who?

How about those padded guys that jump on dirt and spills in the kitchen? Does their brand of paper towels work better than the competition? Maybe they do, but you sure get fewer towels for your money, so maybe you can use two for every one if you buy cheap? And I don’t believe that a wet one can hold a knife and fork in it without tearing, nor do I believe that you can actually wash them and use again! I mean, WTF and who are you kidding?

What about the products advertised exclusively on TV? Some look really great don’t they? That is until they say….”But wait, if you order now we will double your order for free”. Why, is something so wrong I will need two? Is it so cheap that you can afford to give me another one as backup? Nope, no do buy!

So, I stand in the toothbrush aisle with a handful of brushes in my hand, all of them the best, most dentists recommended, most sold in America, newest design, newest packaging and best brushes for my teeth.

What do I do now?

I sit down in the aisle and cry! I hear someone calling for a straight-jacket………………..